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The Fine Art Of Getting Even

The Fine Art


Getting Even

(A comical Approach to revenge)

By: R. D. Krause

Copyright © 2017 by Richard D. Krause

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form.

Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

This work and all of its contents has been produced entirely in the United States of America.


The author assumes no responsibility for the use or misuse of the ideas described. The author specifically disclaims any personal liability, loss or risk incurred as a consequence of the use, either directly or indirectly, of any information presented herein. This book comes with absolutely no warranty, in particular regarding the authenticity or accuracy of any action described herein.

All methods, actions and other data in this writing are meant for information purposes and mental exercise only and should not be attempted. Some of the schemes described in this book are illegal to perform, and all are immoral. Most of them will make your target suffer in one way or another.

You should consider this text as a source of amusement, not as a manual of how to create havoc and get yourself into trouble.

In other words, do not do this at home kids!

Remember, even if you do not get caught, Karma is a Bitch! Everything you say, do , and to some extent, think. Has a very nasty habit of coming back to you!


This work is dedicated to all of those out there that have had the misfortune of having run afoul of the many ignorant, self-centered, uncaring, scumbags that seem to populate our world in this day and age.


For more years than I care to think about, several of my friends and associates have kiddingly said that I had an evil, wicked, mean, and nasty mind. They have asked me when I was going to write all of my evil tricks down and share them with the world.

Usually, during an evening of indulgents while consuming massive quantities of Rocky Mountain Silver Bullets assisted by that notorious Pirate Captain.

In the six and a half decades I have been on this ball of dirt we call the Earth. I have had a few occasions when I have run afoul of certain other individuals for one reason or another and have had the thought of dastardly revenge and payback, come sweetly to my mind. It has been during those moments of pain and disappointment that I have developed the methods and schemes approached in this work.

Then several months ago, while sitting and talking to my three best friends, Lexi Lu, Aesop, and Kodiak, my three pups. I proposed the idea of actually writing a work on the subject. I decided that I wanted to compose it as a comical approach to getting even, revenge and payback. They seemed to agree that it would be a good idea, or at less they did not disagree. That of course may have had something to do with the treats I had in hand at the time.

At any rate we decided that at the very least it would relieve the boredom of being old, broke and depressed!

And that is how the project got started. I am very happy to say that now in the winter of my life, that I have not enacted many of the schemes laid out in this work. Not, mind you because they do not work. But rather because I have an extremely healthy respect for Karma! I have learned in my sixty five years of life that everything is on the wheel. Everything you say, do, or enact, be it good, bad, or indifferent will at some point come back to you in one way or another.

With that being said, please enjoy the read and have fun. Hopefully few of you will ever indulge yourselves in more than the planning stage.

Have fun, be careful, and be smart.

The Author

Table of contents



Chapter 1

Chapter 2


Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Epilogue / Also Know As The End

Chapter 1 / Planning

So, hello all of you out there that have been put upon, snubbed, downgraded, cheated on, overlooked or just plain shit on. By some self-satisfying, inconsiderate jackass that thinks his shorts do not stink.

In the pages of this manuscript we will attempt to show you how you may be able to teach this asshole a lesson or two. Or at least get some satisfaction from returning the pain you have had to its source.

Now we all know that you are an angel and would never do anything wrong.

But every so often even the best of us has a run in with some evil wrong doer that thinks they have the right to treat us as if we do not matter.

It may have been a coworker or a boyfriend or a husband, or even heaven forbid a girlfriend or wife. Or it might be a neighbor, brother, cousin, aunt, uncle, shopkeeper, waitress or waiter, or even a customer.

In today’s society it could be almost anyone. We are all subject to misuse by others that really have no right consuming oxygen. It is the sign of the times. It is these dastardly individuals that bring out the devil in all of us.

Most of the time, we just ignore these cretins and go on with our life as if nothing has happened. But, sometimes the affront has been so damaging that we are unable to let it go.

Those are the times when we decide that we have to do something.

The first thing we have to remember is that any action needs a plan. Failing to plan is the same thing as planning to fail.

One of the biggest mistakes that most people make is that they try to retaliate when they are mad. Do not get mad, instead get even!

The next mistake that many make is the belief that it is necessary to let the subject of you wrath know that his/her come-up-pence is on its way to their doorstep. Always remember that revenge is a dish best served cold!

The less your enemy knows about what you plan the better. You know why, what is about to befall him/her is all about. They do not need too. Let it be a surprise, you will enjoy it more, and it will keep them wondering what just flipping hit them.

After all they did not warn you when they did the dastardly deed to you that caused you to decide to seek revenge. Did they?

Chapter 2 /Phase 1 /The Recon

So okay here we go. Are you sure you want to do this? Remember Newton’s Law of Motion is in effect in all things.

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.”

Yes, Grasshopper, we are talking Science here!

Now every good Pot-Metal General knows that the secret to a good battle plan is massive amounts of good and accurate information about the other guy.

It is possible that you already know everything there is to know about the subject of your wrath. Such as where he or she lives, where they work, what they like to eat or drink, what kind of car they drive or do not drive. If they like cats or dogs (note: You can tell a lot about a person with this information). But, most likely not, after all if you knew that much about them you would not have allowed yourself to be taken in. Would you have?

For the sake of argument, let us say you do not know that much about the scum sucking, bottom feeding, worm that has done you wrong.

In fact you barely know him, her, them at all. They just popped into your life and screwed with you!

So how do we get the poop on him, find the skivvy, dig up the dirt, and unbury the skeletons? Have no fear Grasshopper, I am about to enlighten you on the art of discovery. We will now begin the recon phase!

Get ready to start digging. Dastardly Dan has no secrets that you cannot find and use to bring his funky butt down.

Let the games begin.

Now in this phase of the operation you will have to use some new skills. You are going to learn how to use Social Engineering and Role Camouflage.

In today’s times everyone has an online profile. Except for those few people who have worked very hard to stay under the radar so to speak. This in itself tells you a lot about that person.

So the first place we will start looking for information on Dastardly Dan is on the web.

Do not use your home computer if you can help it. Go to the Library and use theirs. Secrecy and stealth is the key here. Later on when the Veri-Grow hits the Mix Master, we do not what someone to be able to trace back and find out who done it!

You want to check out Facebook, LinkedIn, My Space, and other Social media sites. You can find out an awful lot about someone by checking these sites out. Such as, their habits, location, home town, birthday, friends, business, hobbies and such other trivially things.

It is amazing how much personal information people put on social media sites, for the world to see!

Next if you have found out where he works check out his company’s website. This will usually give you some insight on the way the company works and usually, who the big muckity-mucks are, with such things as their phone numbers, email addresses and stuff.

Next do a Google Search on Mr. Wonderful and see what comes up. Check the County Court records, and the Arrest records.

So okay before we go any further let’s lay down the ground rules that should help to keep you safe.

So far everything we have done has been nonintrusive and relatively untraceable. From this point on let it here by and here on, be known that, Mr. Wonderful, Dastardly Dan, Little Miss Diva, Ditsy Darlene shall be known as The Mark. It saves on time and decreases confusion.

Chapter 3 / Planning and Safety

The typical lifecycle of a revenge scheme often starts with someone, a person or a member of an organization, doing something wrong to you, or someone close to you.

At that moment you, the victim, would most likely be in a state of anger, hate or sadness. At least you should be in a state where you wish to get even at the one, or the ones, who wronged you.

The worst thing that could happen at this moment is that you sharpen your swords of vengeance and go on right at it.

Revenge done in haste is such a waste, and the Sicilians did really know what they were talking about when they were saying,

Revenge is a dish best served cold.''

It is time to sit back, heal your wounds and start plotting your payback. This could take months, or even years, depending on how severe the offense was and how severe you want the payback to be.

It wouldn't surprise me if 50% of the avengers who get caught are people who start their mission of vengeance at a time that is too close to the crime.

I would also guess that 40% of the ones, who get caught, did not act out of a plan. Or they planned it badly without thought or skill. Then the rest,10% are the ones who simply get unlucky, where the unknown plays a factor that is not calculable. Murphy’s Law is real Grasshopper.

The simple fact is that anything that

can go wrong usually will and that Mother Nature is a Bitch.

The life-span of a general revenge scheme should therefore start with the offense, continue with a great deal of patience, evolve through thorough planning and reconnaissance, reconsidered, and if necessarily some more patience, until you one day deploy your plan.

After that you have hopefully gotten your vengeance, and then everything related to this should be burned, buried and forgotten.

Remember to always stay flexible, be ready to change directions at a moment’s notice. And always have a plan “B”!

Or after all the planning you may very well decide to forget it, that it really is not worth the effort or risk.

One different way of handling this is to make a list of all your Marks. This list could be something as direct as a little notebook with names, addresses, their crime and any other relevant and irrelevant pieces of information. Or you may decide to create a small data base on your computer, just remember to encrypt it and after the attack totally destroy it so it does not come back to haunt you.

Every now and then you get your list, fill in some gaps and delete obsolete data.

Then when the right time comes you seem to strike out of nowhere and before the Mark knows what hit him,

you are gone again.

An advantage of this approach is that you can play several Marks against each other, and you could sit on your list for years, making your Marks less suspicious and unaware.

There might also be times when you really want your Mark to know who you are. This would be in situations where you're participating in a direct revenge, or prank-war. This is a situation where nobody wins and should be avoided at all costs. Still, if you entangle yourself into this kind of situation, make sure that your Mark can't document any threats or actions done by you, as these cases tend to end up in a courthouse.

Electronic evidence and plans should be carefully encrypted, or better yet, destroyed completely; it might get used against you. Also be aware of the fact that these types of wars have the tendency of escalating to a point where things really get out of hand. The best way is the safe way, without much chance of retaliation and detection.

Patience, persistence, planning, and then finally the realization.

After the patience comes planning, and with planning comes surveillance.

Every fact and every detail about your Mark should be gathered and organized. The more you know about your Mark, the better. This involves information about his home and work address, telephone number, email address, habits, bank accounts, his social security number, wife, lovers, children, his fear, what he likes, dislikes, car license plate, daily and weekly routines, hobbies, religion, etc.

When all the pieces are gathered, you'll have a concept of who your Mark is, and you may then determine which of the many ways to get back at him would be the most efficient. This is where your plan forms and it should include all the “what, when and how's'' that you can come up with.

The plan should also have contingency plans that describe how to act if you're exposed, and how to act if your Mark or the authorities confronts you later with your deeds.

Still, no-matter how well you have planned and executed your revenge scheme, there's always the chance that you'll end up among the 10% unlucky ones.

One friend of mine once said, “Be prepared to do the time for the crime,'' and indeed, if you can't afford getting caught, then you shouldn't do anything at all. All around the world there are people in prison, people who thought they would never get caught, some of which are very smart.

Chapter 4/ A few things to always keep in mind

Here are a few things to always keep in mind:

Never use your own telephone. Why? Because, your target can then track you with ease. It really only takes a caller-id and most people have those. Also,the telephone companies could be logging all the calls that we make.

(If you don’t believe that watch the movie “The President’s Analysis”, also we know that “No Such Agency” is and has been monitoring the telephone lines here in the home of the free for years.)

Use a phone booth away from your vicinity and the path where you usually travel. If you can even find one anymore. Buy a “burner” cell phone at Seven Eleven or some such place and register it under a fake name. Go on EBAY and get a lineman’s test set butt phone.

Never drive to your Mark's house with your own car. People you know might see it, and later when your Mark asks questions, it may surface again. Also never use a Taxi, instead use public transport like a bus to an area close to the Mark’s house and then walk the rest of the way.

Never work with your bare hands uncovered. Even if you have never been fingerprinted in the past, such as for a military service, there is no guarantee that this luxury will continue. Wear gloves instead, but don't throw them away at the crime scene or you may be forced to try them out in a courtroom. Ask a certain football player about that one!

Never let anyone see you. This might sound obvious, but wearing dark colored clothes at night might be a good idea. Not necessarily black as that also sticks out like a sore thumb. It is hard to distinguish dark colors at night. But Law Enforcement is usually on the lookout for black. Just don't stand out too much from your surroundings.

Sometimes dressing casual might be better than dressing dark, and camouflage gear is definitely out of the question.

Never talk to anyone about what you have done. If someone confronts you with the issue, act ignorant. This is where many people fail and get caught. They have a trusted friend, who has a trusted friend, who has a trusted friend, etc. Old Ben Franklin said it best when he stated,

Yes three people can keep a secret. But only if two of them are dead!”.

Never steal, anything unless you plan to throw it into a river before you get home. It would be real hard to explain if someone found an object belonging to your

Mark at your place after he has had a break in.

Never use your own handwriting or your own printer or typewriter. Even if you try to forge the handwriting it is possible that they might trace it back to you. A printer or a typewriter will also have its own characteristics, often there is a character with certain distinction due to wear and tear. The best thing is to use one at a university, a school or one that is otherwise publicly accessible.

Never use saliva on stamps and envelopes.

DNA analysis is now a fact of life. People have been convicted because they did this.

Water from the spring or facet will do just fine.

Never involve an accomplice, unless it is absolutely necessary. The fewer who know about your work, the better it is. Even if that other person is someone you trust with your life, it still increases the risk when more people know about it.

Never threaten your Mark. If you threaten your Mark then he knows you'll be up to something. He'll also know where to start looking when something has happened and what names to fill in under suspicious persons in the entry box of a police report.

Never mail a letter from or near your home, city/town, workplace, etc. Use a re-mailer-service instead, or a trusted friend from out of town. Or better still take a short trip on a weekend to another town and mail your stuff from there.

Never buy supplies from a local dealer, and never use your credit card or check in the purchase. These are obvious, but unfortunately easy to forget when you don't plan things thoroughly. Remember cash has no memory!

Never leave written documentation, like name, address, etc. at a place where it may be found. If you are storing such information on your computer, then make sure to encrypt it first. Or better yet put all of the data on an encrypted thumb drive that can be erased, smashed, and burnt when you are done. Remember that anything you do on the Internet is there FOREVER!! And can be traced, be careful!

These precautions might seem a bit paranoid, but I would be willing to bet that about 90% of everyone who ever gets caught didn't pay enough attention to planning or one of the precautions above. Some of the tactics in this book might break some of the rules above, but then again you are allowed to use your own head to evaluate the risk.

After all, when it comes right down to it and the rubber hits the road. You are the one who will pay the penalty for failure!

Purchase this book or download sample versions for your ebook reader.
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