Excerpt for Audio Anthology: Poems From The Journey by , available in its entirety at Smashwords










audio anthology

poems from the journey












by

Kezia A. Snipe



























© 2017 by Kezia Snipe


All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, stored in a retrieval system, transmitted in any form or distributed in any printed or electronic form without express permission from the publisher.


Published in Maryland by

Restored Tapestry Press, an independent publisher.


First Edition: April 2017


Printed in the United States of America

ISBN: [978-1537126784]

dedication

To Darius T. Parker, Katya Allen, Ms. Louise Bennett and Mrs. Elouise Thompson, I owe a poem to each of your memories. To Lovette Jamerson, for my first journal. To Mrs. Lisa Crosthwait, Mrs. Carolyn Phipps & Dr. Ladrica Menson-Furr, you watered seeds that I didn’t know were planted. To Th3rd, we’re still unclassifiable bro. You made this a reality in more ways than you know. To Jo’V, seeing your belief in me in action changed my whole perspective of art & community. To say I owe you is an understatement. To Rob Yenrah Hooper, I’ve never forgotten the commitment we made in South Hall 15 years ago. To Charles and Anthony Fleming, there wouldn’t be any audio to this anthology without my first stage. My eternal gratitude.







































introduction


Right before I worked up the courage to complete and release this book, I experienced what could most easily be described as the scariest and most vulnerable time of my adult life. At least, it was the bleeding out of festering and lingering wounds. It wasn’t a terminal illness but whenever friends and acquaintances would check on me, my reply would always be “I’m on the mend.” I wasn’t in any car accidents nor did I find myself hospitalized or subject to any of the major occurrences that are assumed when you tell people you’re healing. But I was very sick. The mental and emotional cancer of anger, rejection, bitterness, abandonment, depression, anxiety and trauma had spread to every part of my being. Every ounce of me was afflicted. Emotionally, I repressed and downplayed meltdown after meltdown and hid anxiety attack after anxiety attack. All I could think about was what was missing and all the voids in my heart and in my life. Mentally, nothing made sense. Two and two did not make four. I felt the weight of the world on my mind all the time. I lacked rest and sleep because my mind would never slow down. I went several nights at a time without sleep or with the sum of a few hours lasting days at a time until my body would simply shut down. I spent days not answering phones and not responding to texts, no matter who was trying to contact me. My spiritual walk suffered more deeply than it had my whole life. I was not praying because I didn’t believe I deserved to. I was not fasting because I simply could not bring myself to do it. I never doubted God but I doubted church to my core for a thousand different reasons. I actively avoided fellowship

because if I knew nothing else, I knew where my heart was and where it wasn’t. I held on to authenticity with what little strength I had left. In every way, my life was in shambles. And no one could tell. I played it too cool. I was always chill and laid back. I never overreacted from the outside looking in. My roommate nicknamed me “Mellow”. Inside, though, was a four alarm fire. Now, more than ever, I wanted out. I couldn’t live like that anymore, though I had for at least a decade. Fast forward to right now. All the poems in this book were written in the last 11 years. I’ve written about God faith, love, hope, evangelism, the church, forgiveness, anxiety, loneliness, community, Heaven, joy, fear and patience. All while I was drowning. These poems served as a path of life preservers for me. Some people walk their paths. For a long time, I swam mine. I’m good with that. My head is above water now and my body, soul and spirit are following. This book is chronological with great intention. It is a journey and you’re invited to walk it with me. I pray you receive these words with the heart with which they were written and for the purpose that serves your life the greatest. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to serve you.


























preludes

2006 - 2009



















origin

Born of an independent woman

Somewhat of a stringent woman

Lord knows how much I care for my mama

But, she was the only one there

She’s apologized time and time again

In case some vital part of my upbringing went missin’

But she was on a mission to raise me right

And at first, I didn’t quite understand her plight

But as years passed somebody shed some light

She had to fight

And approach adversity with tight fists

Right kicks

Left hooks

Trials were left shook

But

Somehow that never stopped them from coming back

And because of the lack

Mama was simply trying to survive

And trying to provide

And her love wasn’t shown in buying me a ride

When I was sixteen

Miss Queen Debutante I was not

I’ve been working since I was fifteen

Never tried to front

Like we were ballin’

Just wanted everything to fall in place

So we paid bills with Christmas cash

Emptied cards out to make sure we had

Difficult to fathom at the time

But as of today, I’m a better person

That was worth it

Tighter grip on reality

The triumphs and the fallacies

And naturally

When I find myself on somebody’s award stage

The prelude to my speech

Would be

“I wanna thank God and my mama because they made me who I am today”


©2006. All rights reserved.













woman becomin

(on my 23rd birthday)


Hit the ground runnin

There’s no turning back now

Race at a steady pace

Bare black feet pound the ground

Time to flourish

Time to move

Time to find her own groove

in life

Predetermined steps have become all too familiar

Let her make some mistakes

It’ll do nothing but build her

Into one of those strong black women

She admires so much

Can feel their power and strength

Even when her eyes touch

Their skin

The energy is felt from within

This is who she wants to be

This is who she’s gonna be

And now that she’s cut the apron strings herself

Don’t try to sew em back on

Or she just may be gone for good

You can’t provide

the protection she needs

so don’t try

let her bleed

the blood of life and cry

tears of strife

for through these will she then realize

the woman she’s becomin


© 2006. All rights reserved.














no blood on my hands


scattered bodies lay helplessly

flailing carelessly as he grins at his soul wins

we watch with bowed heads knowing we are to blame

our selfish shame is the black clouds on this dark day

it could have been prevented

we always screamed we were winners

but forgot to do the winning

it’d be better if it had been done for righteousness sake

then it could be said

they died for Him and pearly gates would await them

but they didn’t have a chance

and we’re ashamed to glance

slowly realizing we’ll soon face the same end

because we didn’t do what we should’ve

didn’t do what we could’ve

didn’t do what He would’ve

so we’ll be in that same line

standing directly behind souls spiritually blind

could’ve changed their minds about Him

now they’re without Him

and so are we

worst possible words spoken to me

“depart from Me, I don’t know thee”

she’s awakened from her sleep

knowing what she has to do


simply for the trying

If it wasn’t for the rocks in the mountain

How could we climb?

If we didn’t go through sometimes

Would we keep God on our minds?

Would we acknowledge the King

If the grass was always green

And things were always peachy keen?

Probably not because we’re human

Know what I mean?

So be encouraged to press your way

As He tests your faith

You’ve got to push the devil out of the way

And pull your weights another day

And stretch even while others stray

And be thankful for those rocks in the mountain

Because I’ve found that

They prove that God desires for you

To make it to Heaven one day

And any test He requires is simply for the trying of your faith

Move on and prove wrong the enemy

Or anyone who’s a hindrance to your God-given purpose or ministry

May hurt at first

But you’ll soon find it was worth it

You’re not worthless

God’s had a plan for you since you were birthed

Purchased by the blood of the lamb

I know who I am

So stand my friend

Go through even when you feel you might break it

Remember He wouldn’t take you through if He didn’t think you could make it


© 2007. All rights reserved.





















hi Linda


A small crowd fills the room

Not much unlike this kind

But this time

The purpose is a bit different

She’s prepared for this meeting since the day she found out

To see what it’s about

To remove any doubt

Her inquisitive nature entangles her mind

What will it be like?

Will I be liked?

Will they corner me in a room and shine a bright light?

She was never one to display fear and

Always approached life head on

But this was a battle for the quality of her existence

And she wasn’t afraid to admit she was feeling a little resistance

She arrived at the out of the way dive

feeling colder with each step but a bit

bolder with deep breaths

greeted by warm smiles and a hug here or there

she found her seat and unknowingly stared at her feet and began to recollect that day her life was taken away

his brute force overpowered her

deflowered her

now she lives with remnants of his “this hurts me a lot more than it hurts you”

spoken more softly than he had spoken the whole time

so she “wised up” and let him finish his whole crime

jolted back into the moment

her hand felt moisture on it

she realized she’d been crying while it was replaying in her mind

when it was her turn to speak she stood to her feet and proclaimed for the first time today

“My name is Linda, I’m 19 and I have AIDS.”


©2007. All rights reserved.



















hey mama

A lifelong mistake that didn’t take long to make

Lesson went unlearned

Now #2 is on the way

Can’t really blame you

Cause you were looking for love

But it was never your intention

To become the mother of 2 babies

Their dads are 2 maybes

You’re looked down upon

Treated like less than a lady

Fam wasn’t havin’ it

So you made the hardest trip you ever did

Homeless shelter dealt her food and a roof overhead

High school dropout

Gotta keep her j-o-b

Ain’t stayin’ in a shelter forever

Plus her baby’s gotta eat

Can’t really blame you

Cause you were looking for love

But it was never your intention

To become the mother of 2 babies

Their dads are 2 maybes

You’re looked down upon

Treated like less than a lady

My heart goes out to you Little Ms. Statistic

I would hope no one

Would have to deal with something like this

I hate your adult life

Had to start this way

Keep your head up, ma

And Imma continue to pray

Can’t really blame you

Cause you were looking for love

But it was never your intention

To become the mother of 2 babies

Their dads are 2 maybes

You’re looked down upon

Treated like less than a lady


©2007. All rights reserved.














christians with a conscience



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